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It’s a difficult status, being in the closet. On one hand I want to go out and celebrate pride and pride month as who I am, but on the other hand I am worried of the backlash from family.
While I may be ‘out’ to my close friends, being who I am openly is another story…
Long story short, my family wouldn’t approve. It’s something I am not winning with them so it’s better they don’t know. When I move to college and university, I will be freer to live authentically, and eventually won’t need to tell them. Or at least that’s what I hope? Will it just be something I don’t need to say?
I am not ashamed of who I am
While it may come across that way, it’s not the case at all. What holds me back is fear. I wish I could be like some friends I have, who didn’t give a sh*t! But I do…
I care about my family looking at me differently, even though I haven’t changed. I care about my new coworkers making assumptions about me when I’ve only been working 3 months. I care about the cultural impact as I come from a non-white family. I hope me in 5, or 10 years time may be able to look back on my thoughts now and laugh at how wrong I was. Laugh at how I could have been open all along.
This is why June is still important to me
June feels like a month where I’m recognised – brands talk about LGBTQ+ creators, influencers, celebrities and issues. Logos are switched to rainbow-esque designs and newsletters all bear the flag. Some may say it’s performative, but I’m appreciative. It may not impact me directly but it allows me to feel seen. Seen when I don’t want to really be seen.
I can attend Pride month events and celebrate openly, and people won’t know if I’m gay or just an ally, and that works for me. One day I hope to be out and proud, but for now, I’m grateful for the acceptance I do have <3
🏳️🌈A list of links to resources and advice can be found here, via the BeYou Project, a safe space for young people who identify as LGBTQ+
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As someone who was closeted for a long while, I kept myself under a secretive mask that didn’t sit well with my mental health. Even when you talk with your family its a scary thought because people who are close to you and react badly to it hurts. Rupaul once said: “You know we as gay people we get to choose our family. We get to choose the people we’re around.”
So you can choose who to make as your family and you can choose who to let in your life.
Take the step forward and ignore those evil voices, You got this Girl! o/